Falling into learning
Fall as many times as needed to learn your lesson by Wesley Kew, Clinical Psychologist
‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all says Lord Tennyson. To me this has long been a very interesting statement; it gives the impression that one harbour’s a bitter taste in the mouth, following the separation of would be eternal lovers. Would one not be better served focusing on how one can moved forward following a heart/gut wrenching loss?
How about reframing: its better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, to something like: what lessons were available to learn, following the perceived loss?
Moreover, what is this perceived loss, can you put it into a wheel barrow as Terry Elston often askes me? Was it yours to have in the first place, I’ll wager a bet that says, no it was not. What in fact have you actually lost? As far as I’m concerned the only loss that I’m aware of, is the loss of an opportunity to learn a lesson.
The only loss that ever occurs is that which you give away. As V. Frankl states in his book Mans search for meaning (which he wrote whilst prisoner in a Nazi concentration camp), “….they can push you down but they can never make you face the ground”. No one can make you feel anything without your consent. If you wish to be an empowered and resourceful human being, begin taking responsibility for all that you experience and think.
You are in charge of your mind and thus the results; you are the only person responsible for your living experience.
The reality is that you and I are solely responsible for how we think, feel and live our lives. Don’t get me wrong, losing a loved one, going through a divorce or ending a longstanding friendship hurts. However, when you experience life as a series of learning opportunities, we are able to remain resourceful and empowered regardless of the circumstances.
Remain cognisant of the fact that all behaviour is motivated by positive intent. Listen carefully I’m only going to say this one more time, again. All behaviour is motivated by positive intent. Understand and respect that the other is acting according to their map of the world. It took me many years of searching and still I struggle to remind myself of this presupposition at times.
Rampant and oscillating emotions can often skew my logical mind and send me into a self-destructive tailspin. I became an expert at painting myself as the victim and effortlessly found willing individuals to join my self-pity party. And yes I provided snacks and drinks. I mean really, who turns down a free buffet and open bar?
Only when I began to understand that I am the master of my destiny and my emotions, could I begin to see the reality of my decision’s and self-fulfilling prophecies. Once I began to understand the nature and power of consciously using language, combined with the NOW state. I began to revel in the knowledge that; every disease, broken heart and abandonment is a glorious opportunity to gain clarity regarding the lessons that needed to be learnt.
The sooner we acknowledge the lessons on offer the sooner we can move on to the next one. Sorry if I’m the first to mention this to you but, there is most probably going to be another lesson and another and another and another -#alwaysanotherlesson
I slowly began to trust the Almighty and her infinite wisdom and abundance. As She is way more resourceful than I dare even imagine at times. As she remains consistent in her attempts at teaching me the lessons needed.
Therefore, seek love like you have never been hurt before said Mr Twain or Mr Purkey (depending on your research). Because only when you seek love like you have never been hurt before, will you find true love. The love only available to those that have hunted the opportunity to hurt, in their attempt to find the love that will never end.
Without struggle there is no progress and progress equals happiness
Clinical Psychologist/NLP Practitioner
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