NLP Client session with Sue Reid.
I saw a beautiful shift in state yesterday during the 3rd session with my latest client. This lady came to me with ‘confidence & relationship issues’. She felt that she could not get over her last relationship where her partner had cheated on her. She wanted help to move on.
Now, I first met her 12 months ago and after an initial consultation, I set her a seven day challenge which was to tell me something good about herself every day. I thought this would help her start to focus on all the good things about herself. It didn’t work, she could not do it – not even one good thing. We decided she wasn’t ready and left it there (my mistake I now realise). So 12 months later she is back to try again. This time I set her an ‘easier’ challenge so we could carry on.
The 1st session, we elicited her values for relationships and that helped a lot. However, I was left feeling that I had missed something vital. It felt so strong that I wasn’t even sure what to do with session 2. Then it struck me – we needed to look at the reasons she could not talk about herself in a positive way – that’s the relationship issue – it was with herself.
So 2nd session, I built up the rapport enough to know I had her trust. Trust was her number 1 value in a relationship so I felt that was important. Then I asked her ‘What is the question I need to ask you so that I know what I have missed’. Change in state immediately – very pale skin & lips, folding her arms so tightly she looked like she was trying to strangle herself!
I started to dig & she told me that at primary school ( 20 years earlier) her best friend had made friends with another girl and she had been pushed out. So using TBT she went back to the event. Her words were ‘Wow, that was weird’ After 20 years she now felt that the girls had not even been thinking what she thought they were thinking – she had completely made up her own definition that 20 years later she believed to be true. I needed to test this in session 3 so one of the first questions I asked her was ‘When you think about yourself, what do you now believe to be true?’ Now to prepare her, I had been asking some other questions and then said ‘Now for the killer question’.
Immediately she folded her arms, not so tight but still folded. It was when she heard the question that I saw the beautiful shift – huge smile, face lit up, eyes moved to AD, she unfolded her arms and literally spread them out as though to emphasise her words which were ‘Oh that, I feel great. I am so much more positive and I feel confident now’.
It really didn’t matter what she said that one movement said it all.
We have one more session left which will focus on lots of positive anchors.
Every session, I learn something new, not just about how to use NLP but about myself.
I think I get as much benefit as my clients. My learning from my client is to remember that the issue the client presents with may not be the real issue – the map is not the territory. Also, read the communication! My client was telling me something 12 months ago when she failed her challenge. She didn’t fail though – I didn’t understand the communication so in effect I failed.
Lastly, if I could give some advice to you – trust your own unconscious mind – if you are stuck on what to do next – go inside and ask your unconscious mind. It will answer you!
Article by Sue Reid [email protected]