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Terry Elston:

Focus on what you want

Focus on what you want

Every time I hear the statement

It feels like I take three steps forwards and five steps backwards

….and as I hear it, it ignites a fire in my belly like few other statements do. You may be asking why this occurs, great question? Simply because it reminds me that my feelings are not in control of me nor my state and most definitely not my thinking. I control my mind and thus my thinking. Focus on what you want.

focus nlpThe fact of the matter is that feelings are transient and any attempt to hold onto them is as fleeting as the winter mist before the summer sun. I get a lot of push back following the statement “feelings are not real”. The fact of the matter is that feelings are an experience. Thus the experiences you have may be held as a subjective reality to you, yet this does not make it real. In fact real is defined as:

Actually existing as a thing or occurring in fact; not imagined or supposed.
Julius Caesar was a real person

Used to emphasize the significance or seriousness of a situation.
There is a real danger of civil war

Relating to something as it is, not merely as it may be described or distinguished.
Locke’s distinction between the real and nominal essence of substances

One of my favourite definitions found when researching the root origin of the word ‘real’ is that

real is something that will last forever

All great information, yet what is the relevance? The fact of the matter is that choice determines what we ultimately focus upon.

When I hear people say “it feels like I take three steps forwards and five steps backwards” I desire to clarify what they are actually focusing on. All too often people use words without knowing what they are actually saying.

Are they focusing on the consistent struggle, strife, hardships and pervious traumas. Or are they focusing on the perceived difficulties and continually looking forward, highlighting that nothing will get them down and the will continue to move forward?

Never criticize a man moving forward no matter how slowly…progress is progress

This steadfast view is not going to be easy, nor always pleasant etc. yet if you continue to focus on what you want you create a world and state in which we avoid distraction and being the victim. As my old sports coach used to remind me “the only time you see obstacles is when you take your eyes of the finish line”. A powerful and resourceful way to see the world is that there are no problems, only solutions we have not found yet.

focus on nlpOur feelings and state are a choice. It is a choice that we may have to make many times a day. Never has the old adage rung more true “where concentration goes energy flows”. If we continue to focus on the five steps backwards we shall soon become blinded by the progress we achieved that accompanied the three steps forward. Remember that without struggle there is no progress. So buckle up, get ready for tough times, laser focus your outcomes and visions and put some of your feelings to bed. You are the master of your mind and thus you make your decisions, you get to choose what you focus on.

Words don’t describe our world – they create them – Terry Elston

Remind yourself everyday, just as I do, that feelings come and go, they are transient, subjective and at times untrustworthy as an objective reality. Remember to focus on discipline, set clear outcomes, negotiate empowering intentions and then have the patience and trust to know that you, as I, manifest reality one decision at a time.

Lastly, just like showering or brushing your teeth we must remember to focus on what we want and continue to decide to move towards it every day. Showering or brushing your teeth only once a week will be okay for a few months but soon you will begin smell like failure and become engrossed by its accompanying people and surroundings.

Everyday is a new opportunity to begin again – you are in control of your mind and therefore your results!

Focus on what you want by Wesley Kew, Clinical Psychologist

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