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You can’t always get what you want

You can’t always get what you want

The rolling stones remind me that I “can’t always get what I want”. How frustrating I often find myself thinking. What do you mean ‘I can’t always get what I want’. If I want it then surely I must be entitled to it and obviously, I know what I want, so I deserve it, right?

Well for a long time I used to believe this drivel. As I journeyed along my path and headed deeper into my garden the more madness I encountered. All too often I felt like I too was stuck at the mad hatter’s tea party; as I continually made the same mistakes over and over and over. Hooked by the same triggers and hot buttons time after time. All this repetition and still, limited insight into what was driving this madness.

you are in charge of your mind therefore your resultsWith the help of attending seminars, reading books, my NLP training, ten years of psychological practice and life dishing out lessons I beginning to understand my buttons and triggers. More importantly, I have begun to understand that I really had no idea what I wanted. Mostly because what I wanted was linked to my childish desires and hedonistic indulgent cravings. This leads me to acknowledge that what I wanted was actually not going to be sustainable nor was it going to move me towards being fulfilled.

The mind is like a parachute it only works when open and that is exactly what I have found NLP World to provided me with. As I started doing my gardening I was able to confront all sorts of monsters and critters that lived in the underbrush. Soon I was beginning to wise up to the hooks of the past and more importantly plant the seeds that I knew were going to give me the crop I desired.

As S. Freud reminds us

those that can’t remember repeat

As I begun to employ the Meta Model and asked better questions like “for what purpose do I want what I want?” I started to understand the motivation behind my ‘wants’. Should you desire to know more about the Meta Model and how it can be used to laser focus your language and understanding in confusing times, you can get more information here

girl thinking nlpMany people, myself included, may become sidetracked by our childhood desires e.g. wanting to have a Ferrari, a private jet or maybe an island in French Polynesia. Now don’t get me wrong I’m not saying that you must not dream big nor am I saying that one must live an ascetic or stoic lifestyle. I’m merely wanting you to highlight the motivation for getting what you think you want. Added to that, what are you willing to sacrifice to get what you want? Would you sacrifice your health to get that dream vehicle, would you sacrifice time with your friends and family to call a Lear Jet your own or most poignantly would you knowingly exploit the planet and her resources for your personal island?

Is getting that vehicle or island really what you need to find fulfilment, or was it really a childhood ideal that you think will make you feel superior and powerful? And is it worth sacrificing your health or friendships? Does the end truly justify the means?

I have come to learn from great thinkers and philosophers that it is more important to focus on whom you become as you strive for your goals than what you get. Also, when you get what you need you soon understand that you don’t need nearly as much as you think. Should you in future feel the pull of desire and the craving of wants, ask yourself:

what am I willing to sacrifice to get what I think I want?

When you begin to understand what is really important to you and you begin to think of what is best for those that I hold close to me. If maturity is teaching me anything, it is that:

if you desire to build a future make sure your wants and desires don’t hurt/alienate those that care and walk alongside you

Life is a journey and it is made a little sweeter when you have someone to share your happiness with. And that may just mean that you can’t always get what you want – after all, how did the rolling stones become so wise?

You can’t always get what you want – by Wesley Kew Clinical Psychologist and Master Practitioner of NLP

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