Twenty first century relationships are undergoing a huge shift in todays climate. Committed, monogomous relationships were a lot simpler one or two generations ago, because the focus was very clear. Get together, find a house, have some kids, retire. These days, our sights are much more elevated from the simple goals of our forefathers (mothers).
A big leap in choice driven paradigms of relating has come from women’s independence. It was only two generations ago when a woman place was in the kitchen and had sparse rights of what she did with her own body (in public view). Men were seen as more naturally sexually gregarious and therefore given certain ‘rights’ to play around, whilst women had to keep the flag of physical integrity flying, for fear of scandal or segregation.
Whilst I mention man and woman this can also easily just mean partner, whatever sex, so please read the article with that in mind.
Also, financially it made logical sense to find partners who could assist each other to make a home. You needed two to do that. Now a woman can find and make her own home, regardless of a possible partners income.
So what we have is the possible expansion of the old model of relationships where one person is the bread winer whilst the other takes care of the children, yet no real new models to call on. And the hurdle we all have to drive ourselves over, is the expression of who we are authentically and the commitment to sharing that which we are.
We get together with our partners and everything is possible and we love to be with each other. Then ‘stuff’ happens that’s outside of our normal communication boundary and we can’t say what’s there. There just isn’t the right vocabulary that can give our partners an idea of what we want to say. Maybe we’ve never allowed ourselves to say certain things.
Here’s where relationship coaching come into play.
The right coach, will bring the partners together, and get them to recall those intimate moments when things didn’t go right and nothing was properly expressed – then they will be seen separately, to clear up those issues: To look at the current philosophy of life, upgrade any thinking or being that was stuck in the past tense, and clear the garden of weeds.
Then when that has been successful, the coach will bring the partners together again and re-engage those old moments, but newly, with love, insight, wisdom and (hopefully) laughter.
The newly lived moments have to be thoroughly tested to make sure they are real and grounded. Then strategies put into place, to give each partner a recovery strategy in case things threaten the new paradigm.
The most important aspects are for each partner to allow the other complete freedom to explore a new life, together, but individually as well.